Thursday, September 28, 2006

Do I really like the looks of the the new "R8"? I'm not sure, but I am sure Audi has even more tricks up their sleeve. As if they couldn't come out with another revolutionarily clean and polished automobile.
Those intelligent chaps at Business Week recently published an article titled "Secrets of the Male Shopper", about how marketers for retail companies are now targeting us guys. They broke it down to a few different types of male shoppers, and described their buying habits, personalities, lifestyles, etc. This is all simply grand, yet I began to wonder what the car-buying habits would be of these different male social groups. Thus I developed my own table:

The Tarmac Philosopher's Handy-Dandy Guide to Male Shoppers' Car-Buying Habits

  1. The Metrosexual Business Week says: Despite widespread reports of his demise, this affluent urban sophisticate aged 20 to 50 absolutely shops on. To him, it’s more than mere commerce. He’s not just buying the things he needs, he imbues his consumerism with a deeper meaning, quality, and beauty. Think loafers as objets d’art. Thanks to him, marketing to men may never be the same. Nor will men’s grooming. The likes of P&G, Beiersdorf, and Polo Ralph Lauren are doing good business with the metro. Car choices: BMW 5 Series, Audi S series, Cadillac Escalade, Aston Martin, Bentley, Mercedes S-Class, Lincoln Navigator.
  2. The Maturiteen Business Week says: This guy is more savvy, responsible, mature, and pragmatic than previous cohorts. Culture watchers attribute his poise to baby boomer parents who treated their kids as equals. He’s a technology master, so he’s adept at online research and often acts as an inhouse shopping consultant. These boys never knew a time without the Web, and its interactivity has nurtured in them a radical view of brands. They own them. Adidas, Sony, and Unilever are especially skillful at playing along. Car choices: Toyota Prius, Mini Cooper, Nissan Murano, Honda Civic, VW Jetta/Beetle, BMW 3 Series, Mercedes C230.
  3. The Modern Man Business Week says: Neither retro nor metro, he’s something in the middle. A sophisticated consumer in his 20s and 30s, he’s a bigger shopper than his dad was but just as much a Seahawks fan. He’s comfortable with women but doesn’t find shopping with them much fun. Think of it this way: Moisturizer and hair gel are perfectly ordinary to him; a manicure is a tougher call. Philips Norelco used locker room humor to get the modern man comfortable with its below-the-neck shaver, Bodygroom. Car choices: Volvo XC90, Toyota 4-Runner, Nissan Altima/Maxima, Mercury Milan, Chevorlet Tahoe, Hummer H3.
  4. The Dad Business Week says: Is any species of guy more ignored? Once men get married and have a few kids, they drop off the radar screen. When they do appear at all, chances are it’s as the goofy father looking for advice from his kid on how to be cool. Yet these men tend to be in their peak earning years. Plus, they are almost as likely to be found strolling down the diaper aisle as mom is. Smart companies such as Dyson and Patek Philippe are reaching out to these guys. Car choices: Toyota Sienna, Honda Odyssey, Nissan Quest, Chevy Suburban, GMC Yukon, Toyota Camry.
  5. The Retrosexual Business Week says: If the metrosexual champions the female ethos with a “Go girl!” the retrosexual is screaming “Stop!” This traditionalist has lived through the same cultural turmoil and consumerism as the modern man and the metro, but rejects feminism and happily wallows in traditional male behavior. He is nostalgic for the way things were in the good old days, before the Fab Five and moisturizers for men. Burger King has this dude nailed. So does P&G’s Old Spice brand. Car choices: Chevy Silverado, Ford F250/F350, Dodge Ram, Dodge Charger Hemi, Ford Mustang GT, Pontiac GTO.
Thank you, Business Week, for reducing everything to factoids.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I consider THIS a waste of money. How on earth can that little runt go 120 mph? Hammacher Schlemmer needs to give himself a cold shower.

Monday, September 25, 2006

What is it about driving at night? The cool air? No bugs? No glare? Sparse traffic? Calmness? Ahhh, I think it's more than that.

In Michael Mann's superb film Collateral, Max, a simple cab driver, relates to Vincent, an infamous customer, why he likes driving at night. "People are more relaxed," says Max. Is relaxation the thing that makes night driving so sumptiously cool? The fact that when we are relaxed, we can feel more? Remember more? Enjoy more of our driving?

Our brains disperse a neurological chemical immediately after we experience something truly memorable. It's called gamma-aminobutyric acid, or GABA. GABA is sent to the place of immediate memory, and encapsulates that memory into the long term, but in a different sort of long term. It's a long term that makes itself known more often. GABA-encapsulated memories come up in dreams, in random thoughts, or in similar situations. I've used a lot of GABA when I drive at night, especially in big cities. Why in big cities? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because my stomping grounds with cars are mainly on wide-open country roads, where, at night, the only light there is is the light of your xenons spread out before you. It's almost claustrophobic. But in a big city, you're never in the dark. You're never alone, yet you feel like you own the highway.

I once found myself being driven through New York City during a winter blizzard. We were driving south on the NJ Turnpike, west of Manhattan, from a trip through Vermont. It was late at night, and the traffic was so sparse that it seemed the city had evacuated. The snowflakes were thick, but fell in low-density sheets. You could still clearly see your surroundings. Surreal could not describe it. It was as if we had just entered the world of Blade Runner, and the cool, blue winter world stayed behind. We hardly needed our headlights, since the city lights reflected off the snowy cloud cover above, and acted as one huge sodium street lamp. Everything was orange. The snow falling was orange. The few cars that accompanied us were orange. The world was different. Yet from the comfort of our beloved automobile, we could observe this wonder without feeling attached to it. It was as if we had hopped onto a Disney ride, zooming through weird, alternate, frightful worlds, all the while knowing that it was transitory, and that this risky thrill would, in fact end with our return to the real world.

Such is the thrill of night driving.

I have a dream. That this car will tour the streets of America and show Americans what sports cars really are. The Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione. This is actually a production version.

The car maker that floored the world in the 1970s with the first gasoline engine to meet U.S. clean air guidelines without a catalytic converter said it has developed a new and simple diesel powertrain that is as clean as gasoline-fuelled cars. Read the article.
This is what I consider progress. Now snap to it, Volkswagen TDI.
Audi's recent S models are just some gorgeous machines. Unfortunately, the new S3 hatch won't be sold in the US. Why? WHY? Listen to this: 265 hp, 2.0 turbo 4-banger. Sweet. The reason why this won't be sold in the US: California emissions. The changes to the S3 would be too costly to meet California emissions standards. I can't stand it. California has just ruined it for us American drivers.




I recently had the opportunity to drive a Volkswagen Passt wagen W8 with a Tiptronic trans, something I've wanted to do for quite some time. The W8 has sort of an infamous history, so driving one made my amateur, teenage brain sort of excited. Heck, I was going to drive something only 300 other people in America had! Whoopee! Let's get it started!

Now I knew that the Volks Tiptronic was going to be weird, since I've been used to a stick for most of my life. But what I didn't expect was an experience so fun at one moment and so unpleasant at the next. The fun part: acceleration. Putting a station wagen with a W8 core into gear is a chilling experience. Y ou never expect that kind of oomph from a car looking like your mom's grocery-bag hauler. But downshifting was a pain. For me, that is. This is just one man's opinion. Downshifting required exact timing, or else you would get a severe case of motor braking. If you shifted too soon around a corner, the car would "pop down", if you will, and jerk you forward uncomfortably.

This brings to light something that's always puzzled me. What's with all these special Tiptronic systems? Volkswagen, Audi, Nissan and Porsche have the Tiptronic system. Acura has a "Sequential SportShift". Merc-B has the "TouchShift". Saab has the "Sentronic". Peugot has the "2Tronic". Even Volvo has the "Geartronic". If you look up transmission types in Wikipedia, there are several different types other than "Automatic" and "Manual". Why?? What happened to good ole' Automatic and Manual?

Cars are becoming too smart for their own good. With such systems as the Tiptronic, cars are losing their connectivity with the driver. The driver is no longer in control from the moment the ignition is switched on to the moment it is switched off. Tiptronic systems make this worse, because they "allow" the driver "privileges" to control his car. A driver shouldn't be privileged to control his gearbox. He should have complete control. Call me a purist, but I believe the serious driver should drive a stick shift with a clutch. Instead of spending millions on these complicated, computerized transmissions, why isn't technology used to improve the manual or the automatic transmission? Why not perfect the manual, instead of whipping up these silly alternatives made for the fat business executive who can't drive a clutch or a stick, but wants to think he does just so he can call himself a "auto enthusiast"?

I am a snob, aren't I?