Those intelligent chaps at Business Week recently published an article titled "Secrets of the Male Shopper", about how marketers for retail companies are now targeting us guys. They broke it down to a few different types of male shoppers, and described their buying habits, personalities, lifestyles, etc. This is all simply grand, yet I began to wonder what the car-buying habits would be of these different male social groups. Thus I developed my own table:

The Tarmac Philosopher's Handy-Dandy Guide to Male Shoppers' Car-Buying Habits

1. The Metrosexual Business Week says: Despite widespread reports of his demise, this affluent urban sophisticate aged 20 to 50 absolutely shops on. To him, it’s more than mere commerce. He’s not just buying the things he needs, he imbues his consumerism with a deeper meaning, quality, and beauty. Think loafers as objets d’art. Thanks to him, marketing to men may never be the same. Nor will men’s grooming. The likes of P&G, Beiersdorf, and Polo Ralph Lauren are doing good business with the metro. Car choices: BMW 5 Series, Audi S series, Cadillac Escalade, Aston Martin, Bentley, Mercedes S-Class, Lincoln Navigator.
2. The Maturiteen Business Week says: This guy is more savvy, responsible, mature, and pragmatic than previous cohorts. Culture watchers attribute his poise to baby boomer parents who treated their kids as equals. He’s a technology master, so he’s adept at online research and often acts as an inhouse shopping consultant. These boys never knew a time without the Web, and its interactivity has nurtured in them a radical view of brands. They own them. Adidas, Sony, and Unilever are especially skillful at playing along. Car choices: Toyota Prius, Mini Cooper, Nissan Murano, Honda Civic, VW Jetta/Beetle, BMW 3 Series, Mercedes C230.
   
3. The Modern Man Business Week says: Neither retro nor metro, he’s something in the middle. A sophisticated consumer in his 20s and 30s, he’s a bigger shopper than his dad was but just as much a Seahawks fan. He’s comfortable with women but doesn’t find shopping with them much fun. Think of it this way: Moisturizer and hair gel are perfectly ordinary to him; a manicure is a tougher call. Philips Norelco used locker room humor to get the modern man comfortable with its below-the-neck shaver, Bodygroom. Car choices: Volvo XC90, Toyota 4-Runner, Nissan Altima/Maxima, Mercury Milan, Chevorlet Tahoe, Hummer H3.
4. The Dad Business Week says: Is any species of guy more ignored? Once men get married and have a few kids, they drop off the radar screen. When they do appear at all, chances are it’s as the goofy father looking for advice from his kid on how to be cool. Yet these men tend to be in their peak earning years. Plus, they are almost as likely to be found strolling down the diaper aisle as mom is. Smart companies such as Dyson and Patek Philippe are reaching out to these guys. Car choices: Toyota Sienna, Honda Odyssey, Nissan Quest, Chevy Suburban, GMC Yukon, Toyota Camry.
5. The Retrosexual Business Week says: If the metrosexual champions the female ethos with a “Go girl!” the retrosexual is screaming “Stop!” This traditionalist has lived through the same cultural turmoil and consumerism as the modern man and the metro, but rejects feminism and happily wallows in traditional male behavior. He is nostalgic for the way things were in the good old days, before the Fab Five and moisturizers for men. Burger King has this dude nailed. So does P&G’s Old Spice brand. Car choices: Chevy Silverado, Ford F250/F350, Dodge Ram, Dodge Charger Hemi, Ford Mustang GT, Pontiac GTO.

Thank you, Business Week, for reducing everything to factoids.