Bugs on cars. Is there anything more revolting and disgusting on the face of the planet? Ok, maybe a Fiat Multipla scores points in that field, but seriously: bugs on cars are a repulsing spectacle of world highways. What makes bugs on cars so aweful?

I believe it is a clash between our cleanliness and our love for cars. When we see creepy-crawlies' guts all over our beautiful, blue silver Beamer, our automobile brains are disgusted at the fact that something so repulsed has desecrated our car. Bugs freak people out, and when they are splattered all over our car's front end, it adds a whole new dimension to freakiness.

I like my car to be shiny. Squeaky clean. Shimmering in the sunlight. Mr. Clean's my best buddy. Ergo, bugs are my enemies. Down here in Florida, we get invaded by the infamous love bugs twice a year, usually around May and September. Swarms come down upon the highways and pepper anything traveling above 20mph with their splattery, soft bodies. The worst part is their acidic body chemistry, which does, in fact, eat away paint and chrome. My car has fallen victim to their automotive evils numerous times. I've learned rather quickly that if you don't clean them off within an hour of impact, their goo is on your finish forever, and will eventually eat it away. It's like your car getting gangrenous. It's simply awful.

Solutions? The first and most popular solution is a simple front cover, or net, especially over the grill. I've heard through the grapevine the love bugs will embed inside the radiator, causing the motor to overheat. These covers are supposed to keep most of the bug from getting on (or in) your car. Sounds like it'll work. Should try it. All the seniors here in Florida swear on their parent's graves by these front covers.

The other solution is getting a car wash twice a day. This obviously runs up a tab, but it works to keep the pitting from happening. Also, pro carwashers use special industrial soap that ArmorAll doesn't make, and damn that stuff works! A simple brush of a high-pressure hose and the goo's gone.

The third is pretty simple. Ride a horse to work.

Thank God September's over with. Now I can drive my new Lambo Murcielago tuner at full throttle. :)